her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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