am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
