How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize