You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
