im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
