My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
