I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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