I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
