sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize