Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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