I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
