I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
