Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
