It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
