And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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