Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
