went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
