Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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