Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
