a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
