I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
