Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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