Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
