I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
