NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
