You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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