When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Small penises have feelings too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
