Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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