I think my vagina is haunted
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
