Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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