Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to cum in my sink.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
