I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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