It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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