I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
