So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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