I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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