none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
