SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
