you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
