New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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