It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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