I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
