Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
