Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize