This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
