So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
