Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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