Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
