and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
