Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
