scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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