apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize