Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
