Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
