i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
