You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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