well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
