Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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