i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
