We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
