My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
