I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
