I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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