Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
