let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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